After free fall, I learned to fly.
My spirit is still under construction. I am still searching and looking for more surprises, more frogs to kiss and waste my time with, more adventures…
I started packing, moving out of the place l lived in with Za Decedent. It was essential to me! I had never realized how much shit l had collected over the years. You can call me a modern hoarder. I started selecting and choosing what I shall keep and what not. Some went to charity, bins or friends. I didn’t want to take anything from that apartment we shared. I cannot delete the years but l can choose what l want to do next. For the first time after years l was all by myself. l didn’t have to think for two. It was me, l and myself! The feeling was amazing! I could do whatever l wanted with no remorse.
I moved into a new apartment. l designed and designated it as l had always wanted to have a place to call home. For the first-time l didn’t have to ask my so called ‘’half’’ and listen to his crap about minimalism.
Aftermath: My new place makes me feel like home and l am very proud of myself!
Some friends suggested that l should try ‘’match making’’ Apps. I was so against it! I like to consider myself an old-fashioned girl. A friend of mine convinced me by giving me some arguments and l said okay, let’s give it a try.
First APP: Tinder for a day. Next day l deleted my account! Tons of messages in less than 24 h. It creeped me out! I was never used to this type of attention. I have never considered myself some Beauty Queen. After reading a couple of messages I just decided to cancel/delete my account.
Second APP: Lovoo. Another name and same shit. I met a guy who was trying to lure me into some sort of scamming games. He pretended to be an American/Dutch architect, living in Genève, a widower with a daughter. I played along…not that l had anything to lose, except my mind. After a couple of weeks, on and off chats…he tells me that he would like us to meet…out of the blue. I said fine. It’s a free country. Do as you please but l will not host you. When the D Day was coming he is texted me that he lost his wallet and he cannot travel.
I had my phone next to and I was laughing. Dr. Phil’s shows about catfish were in the end very useful even though it was a deflection from my day to day reality when I was bored. I said to myself let’s keep playing and see how long it will last before he asks me to send him money…and Bingo! He asked me for a small amount so he could travel to the Netherlands and declare his lost documents. From the beginning, there was a contradictory statement.
So let me get it straight. You lost all your documents, but you still want to travel and?!
Him: I cannot travel without an ID. I really want us to meet!
Me: Bummer. I think l will be kicked out of the apartment I am living in, I lost my job l have no savings.
Him: Would you be able to send me 500 Euro
Me: Did you read what I wrote? I lost my job and soon will end up on the streets and you’re asking me for money? What’s wrong with you?
Him: Can you loan the amount from your family or a friend?
Me: My family cannot afford that and l don’t have rich friends.
Him: But baby, l want to see you!
Me: Ouuu, l have been upgraded to Baby, that’s so sweet.
Him: What?
Me: You are such a sweetheart. You’re the love of my life. l was looking so forward to finally meeting you…and now you lost your wallet, your credit cards. l lost my job…those are signs that we should not meet! Karma, bad Mantra…
Him: But I am so in love with you, can you at least send me 200 Euros.
Me: Babe, I cannot send you 20 Euros, what the hell are you talking about?
Him: But I love you and l want to see you.
Me: I am sure you do. I am the love of your life…l just asked a friend of mine for cash…he is able to loan me 10,000 Euro. I will keep 1000 and l will wire you the rest. How shall we do it?
Him: Ah, baby, you are so kind. Would you do that for me?
Me: I would give my life for you. (I was laughing out loud and thinking what kind of idiot is he, how desperate is he).
Him: Since l lost my wallet and credit cards, please send me the amount with Western Union.
Me: You need to identify yourself to collect the amount, let me remind you…you lost your ID.
I just googled how much fee will they keep if l send you the amount via Western Union. It would be better if we can do it via bank.
Him: Yes baby, you are right.
Me: So, can l have your bank account?
He sent me the bank details but with no name.
Me: But how would you withdraw the amount if you lost your credit card.
Him: I forgot. You can wire it on my friend’s bank account and he will pass it to me.
Me: Awesome! Give me his details!
Him passing me the same bank account but now with a name attached to it. Manny Pacquiao
I google the name. That is a Filipino famous boxer…lol
I was already bored and loosing it but lockdown was starting, and l kept playing along.
Me: hey, l wired the amount to your friend’s bank account, you should get it by tomorrow.
Him: I love you baby! I want to marry you and have a lot of kids.
Me: Oh babe, you’re too fast. Sort your documentation issues and let’s meet and see how it goes.
Next day, he messages me that the money is not in his ‘’friend’s’’ bank account (What a surprise!).
Me: No worries baby, bear with me, l will call the bank and ask what’s going on.
So, I started minding my business. Completely forgot about him and l think l started watching TV. Suddenly my phone rings. I hadn’t heard his call and 10 unread messages which went like this:
Baby, baby, I miss you, l love you so much!
Baby, have you called the bank?
Baby, what did they tell you?
Baby, I want to be with you, please sort it out.
Ending with all sort of emoticons…
Baby, I tried to call you. I wanted to hear your voice. Pick up!
I was sitting and reading the messages and just laughing and disgusted by the way he was trying to use me, wondering if there were any other victims that had believed his bullshit.
I called him back…the American/Dutch living in Swiss had a very Asian/African accent.
Me: Hi baby, it is so great to hear your voice. But you don’t sound American and neither Dutch.
Him: Hi baby, what do you mean? I am American citizen! l love you. What did the bank say?
Me: Since the amount is big it takes up to 3 working days until your friend receives the money.
Him: Okay baby, l trust you!
Two days he didn’t write anything, so l thought he figured it out that l wasn’t buying it.
Third day no hi just a message:
Him: I am angry. My friend didn’t get the amount.
Me: Well, how shall l say it baby, I was too afraid to admit, but I got mugged on my way to the bank. I am in the hospital and I cannot afford my medical bills.
Him: What? Are you lying to me? I love you! Tell me when l will get the money. Send me the money.
In my mind I was hearing one of my favorite lines from one of the movies I like.
Jerry Maguire- Show me the money!
I started to laugh, and you can imagine what l was saying to him…to cut the story short…I messed with him and reported his account by deciding to delete mine as well.
So, l have tried the already above mentioned ones. I spoke to my friend, Uber, and told her what happened and she started laughing. I told her l am done! I am not ready for this crap. It is time consuming to me, l would rather do my shit and put dating or chatting with random bollocks as one of my last priorities.
Uber: Do you have anything better to do? You don’t need to date any of them, lockdown is a good deflection from your misery. Instead of thinking at za Decedent just mess around…
Me: Give me a break…I am not into it.
Another month passed by. l was going nuts. l am a social animal. l like getting to know people and their stories. So I started doing my own research about match making APPs which are the top 5 on Google and l had second thoughts.
Third APP, Badoo…. same bollocks on the App are also on Tinder, Lovoo. Same crap, same sort of conversation lost in vain, pictures with food. l was not very eager to go online unless l was bored. When l mention bored, l mean bored to death.
I was doing Quarantine Marathon series on “shitflix”, “amazon primate” and all kind of dodgy online websites streaming series or movies.
After a while l cancelled that account too.
Forth App, Bumble. Same and different dream sellers. I have met 4 of them for a drink but that’s another funny story. With some l am still in touch. Pen pals, never met just exchanged different thoughts and things, ending up reading books that l never knew about. The Art of War by Sun Tzu is one of them.
As Ozzy would say: Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most. Same applies to me.
The internet petition Apps are a good deflection. But be aware of it because as a woman you meet all kind of creeps. Starting with submissive human species and ending with egocentric manic alpha males or those with split behavior. The internet is delusional and can create imaginary personas. You can be what you are not in real life. You can change your identity as you please.
Ladies be careful. Don’t buy a pig for a piece of sausage.
Photocredit: Painting by Animas. She is a painter too. If you would to order a painting for yourself, reach out.